. .’ she began a sentence and choked it off before she had finished. Finally after a few minutes of silence as we listened to each other breathing, I said, ‘look, I’m freezing my ass off. Can I drive to my place? You can get yourself together, get a cup of tea or a beer or whatever and settle down. Stay there, come back here, I’ll take you wherever you want.’ She thought about it for a minute, sniffed and silently nodded. I got out and circled to the driver’s side door, opened it and said ‘slide over, let me drive.’ She took a deep breath, unbuckled her seatbelt and negotiated her way over the stick to the passenger’s seat, no mean feat dressed as she was. I adjusted the seat and drove silently the few blocks to my place. I noticed more specifically how she was dressed as we walked to the door, her coat hanging open against the cold. She was wearing stiletto heels, patterned nylons with a line down the back of each leg, and a short, little black dress with a plunging neckline that. I had no trouble imagining that Becky had intended to say that at some point, and it would have been completely serious. I had accepted, for the sake of continuing the conversation, that it might be possible for me to look attractive. I had come to believe that the Vals were confident of that, and I had felt a growing hope that they were right. But that didn't add up to being able to imagine myself as attractive.In context, Becky had just scoffed at the very heart of my insecurities, in a rather oblique way."Becky, I'm sorry. That was childish." With my heart in my throat I continued, "You shouldn't waste your time with me." Honey, if emotions and insecurity were disqualifying factors, there wouldn't be any Vals at all. If you want me to withdraw the invitation, you're going to have to commit a major felony before we finish the checklist. It would have to include bloodshed. Besides, it was my fault. If I had just chosen an example that didn't involve being in charge, it wouldn't have.
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